Toxic Positivity in Schools: Strategies for School Leaders
Toxic positivity in schools happens when leaders push relentless optimism instead of addressing what staff are actually dealing with. It can backfire, contributing to sarcasm or resentment when legitimate concerns aren't addressed. The fix isn't less celebration. It's naming the hard reality first, then holding both students and adults to real expectations.
Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, I see all these pictures and videos of educators working tirelessly to create a positive school culture. Leaders working so hard to make school happy, joyous, and positive. We can all agree that optimism and positive thinking definitely have their place when it comes time to work through challenging situations. But a problem arises when positivity is taken to such an extreme that it becomes toxic.
If we ever find ourselves rejecting very real human emotions in favor of false optimism, then we need to consider whether we may be guilty of conveying or promoting toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity can become dismissive when optimism is used to avoid acknowledging difficult realities or emotions. It's a mindset that clings to the belief that no matter how difficult a situation is, everyone affected should simply maintain a positive outlook.
If You Are Motivated By Spreading "FOMO" on Social Media, You Might Be Promoting Toxic Positivity
Between Facebook and X, I follow about 2000 educators. School leaders are posting now more than ever before about the great things going on in their schools. They are creating learning experiences for their students that are engaging, memorable, and most certainly fun. And they are documenting all of it for the world to see.
From a ten-minute scroll on the Facebook page, Principals' Principles Leadership Group, I see leaders doing all kinds of amazing work to create and foster a positive environment in their schools:
- Positive Office Referrals
- Painting Rooms To "Revitalize and Make Friendly"
- 12 Days of Christmas Countdowns
- Reindeer Days
- Faculty Scavenger Hunts
- PBIS Rewards Stores
- Food Carts
- Spinning Wheel of Fun
- Ice Breaker Activities
- Winter Wonderland Spirit Days
- Individual Gifts
- Staff Reindeer Games
- Door Decorating
- Ugliest Sweater Contests
- Punch Cup Trees for Prizes
- School Family Christmas Photos
Hear me out. These examples are definitely not, by themselves, indicative of toxic positivity, but if anyone gets a kick out of giving other people that dreaded feeling of FOMO, then that could be an indicator.
People viewing these posts often feel like these schools are remarkable and they want that experience in their schools. If you compare your own school's social media accounts with some of these schools, you can definitely have a FOMO moment.
This emotion can make you question your effectiveness as an educator. You may have several questions run through your mind.
- Why can't we do more of that?
- How can we have the same experience?
- How can we document the same thing to garner the same feelings or reaction in our school?
- What are we doing?
- What can we do?
In many schools, educators are implementing a plethora of "culture-creating" activities for students and staff. Good educators understand there should be a good balance between culture and content. The best educators create learning experiences that connect and intertwine culture-creating activities with highly engaging content and curriculum. The goal, of course, is to have high achievement as well as a highly positive culture.
What Toxic Positivity Actually Sounds Like in a Building
Most of the time it doesn't announce itself. It arrives as a sentence, usually a well-meant one, delivered at the exact moment a staff member was about to say something true. Clinicians describe toxic positivity as the overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state to the point where it denies and invalidates real emotional experience. In a school, it sounds more ordinary than that. It sounds like "stay positive," "it could be worse," "remember your why," and "we're all in this together."
None of those phrases is wrong on its own. What makes them toxic is timing and function. Said after a problem has been heard, they encourage. Said instead of hearing the problem, they close the conversation, and the staff member learns not to open it again.
This is not a soft concern. Research on expressive suppression, the habit of holding an emotion in rather than showing it, has long associated it with poorer mental health outcomes, though researchers now stress the effect depends on context and on how a person relates to their own emotions. A longitudinal study covered by NYU Steinhardt found that greater expressive suppression predicted higher anxiety, higher depression, and lower life satisfaction over time. That study looked at college students rather than school staff, so it is not a measurement of your faculty. What it does suggest is a reason for leaders to avoid creating an environment where staff feel unable to express legitimate concerns.
Here is what I try to catch myself doing, and what I try to say instead.
| What the leader says | What the staff member hears | What to say instead |
|---|---|---|
| "Stay positive, we're all in this together." | The workload is not up for discussion. | "This stretch is hard. Tell me the one thing I could take off your plate this month." |
| "It could be worse." | My problem doesn't rate. | "What's making this week harder than last week?" |
| "Remember your why." | This is being treated as my motivation problem. | "What's getting in the way of the work you came here to do?" |
| "Make sure you're practicing self-care." | Another meeting is coming, and it will be called wellness. | "I'm canceling Thursday's meeting. Use the hour however you need it." |
The right-hand column is harder than it looks. Every one of those responses commits you to hearing an answer you may not be able to fix. That is the trade, and it is the whole job.
STRATEGY #1: Ground Yourself in Compassionate Reality
Part of toxic positivity is the ability for a school leader to continue conducting school-wide events to increase and almost force happiness on the staff. These leaders push everyone to be happy no matter what the current reality truly is. Such efforts can backfire when staff feel that legitimate concerns are being ignored, potentially contributing to resentment or cynicism.
For example, a leader may implement the idea of a 12 Days Before Christmas Celebration before winter. They may also include dress-up days for students and staff, music playing in the hallways before, during, and after school, food every day, and more. This all sounds wonderful and a great gesture by the school leadership, but what they are missing is the current state of the school or community.
Many leaders dismiss reality. Staff members feel guilty when they have feelings of sadness or madness, almost to the point of not being allowed to feel anything but happiness. We know the holidays for some kids and families are a difficult time. Dismissing, ignoring, placating, or hiding these feelings can become toxic. Unaddressed emotions and concerns can surface in other ways or contribute to workplace tension.
Yes, perception is reality, except when the reality isn't being addressed. Ignoring the current reality does create a positively toxic environment.
The ultimate solution to this problem is understanding this reality and being empathetic. Teaching empathy should be a priority within our communities, and taught at both school and home. I believe understanding empathy is vital to understanding the people around us.
Leaders can empathize with their colleagues, especially in understanding their current reality. I would argue there is one more step to empathy…what do we do with this feeling of empathy?
In Kristin Souers and Pete Hall's book, Fostering Resilient Learners (2016), they describe a continuum that I believe we as educational leaders must understand and implement:
Sympathy => Empathy => Compassion
When we feel sympathy for someone else's situation, we feel sorry for them. When we empathize with someone else's situation, we understand them and can put ourselves metaphorically in their situation. When we understand compassion, we are taking both sympathy and empathy for someone's situation, and acting on it with compassion. Again, compassion is the physical act of showing empathy.
We can teach our students compassion. As leaders, we can even teach the adults in our school the power of compassion.
What can we do with words and actions to combat this toxic positivity perception in our schools? Here are three ideas you can implement:
- When we want to celebrate, we can do so by not going over the top with a multitude of school-wide events that only promote positivity.
- Do a couple of things, but make sure to acknowledge the current reality that the holidays are stressful and anxiety-ridden for many families, including school personnel.
- Include lessons on compassion and honor people's time. As education leaders, we must understand that many of these events require additional time. Additional time can exacerbate this stress and anxiety.
STRATEGY #2: Understand All Components of School Culture
Dr. Bill Daggett, who founded the International Center for Leadership in Education, has emphasized deliberate attention to school culture as an important feature of effective schools. In effective schools, educators can be seen working on school culture every day. Many of us in education can specifically state what we do every day to increase our school's culture. Some of the most common responses you will hear from educators when they describe a strong culture might include:
- There are visible and strong relationships with students, staff, and community
- Positive behavior intervention supports are implemented (PBIS)
- A focus on everyone contributing to school culture
- The words and actions of everyone in the school illustrate empathy
Toxic positivity can manifest when school culture isn't examined. Look again at the third item on that list, the one about everyone contributing, because that is the characteristic that gets quietly dropped. In order to do school culture correctly, we need high expectations for not only students, but the adults in the school.
"Strong school culture includes high expectations for adults, too!"
Like students, educators like boundaries, expectations, and rules. The problem is when they are not enforced, taught, and communicated consistently. Inconsistent enforcement of expectations can create frustration among staff. Think about the teacher next door who seems to be teaching fluff or having fun all the time without the high academic expectations you have in your classroom.
From personal experience, I have been upset with my administrators for not holding one of my colleagues accountable. When I was a new teacher, I remember one of my colleagues would walk their class over to the local Dairy Queen each Friday for a snack. Students got to choose whatever they wanted to from the menu. Back in my classroom, we continued learning while we watched the other class leave every Friday afternoon.
I wondered, where the heck was the administrator? Does the administrator approve of these field trips? How can a teacher leave for the afternoon every Friday with their students? Do parents approve of their student missing this much instruction? How can public dollars be spent on field trips that are not academically driven…and going to Dairy Queen?
I knew my students were getting more than two hours of instruction every week and our academic scores were higher! This, of course, was a hard sell to my students.
In much the same manner, many education leaders are missing the "culture boat." They create these elaborate and amazing positive culture events for their schools without holding students and the adults accountable to the main thing…educating our students.
I love the mantra, "Keep the main thing, the main thing." I believe we can create a positive school culture while learning is the centerpiece of that culture.
"Keep the main thing, the main thing."
It doesn't mean we can't stop instruction routinely, have fun, and be able to enjoy our school experience even more. The problem persists when we don't keep learning and high expectations the focus of our school day.
In order to do this, we must model this as educational leaders. We must hold not only students accountable, but the adults in the learning environment accountable as well.
Unfortunately, many educational leaders only want to do the fun stuff. It is much easier to organize school-wide positive behavior supports, and it obviously is much more enjoyable. There may be some short-term positive results with this strategy, but it is not long-lasting.
STRATEGY #3: Have the Hard Conversations You Have Been Avoiding
To truly have a strong positive culture that withstands toxic positivity, we also must have the hard conversations with our students and adults. We must lean into these difficult situations. Brené Brown, quoting a saying she picked up in social work, puts it plainly:
"Lean into the discomfort of the work."
I believe this discomfort comes from maintaining high expectations. Toxicity creeps in from the simplest request, and in the grand scheme of educating students, this simple request may seem minuscule. Without addressing this simple request and the subsequent adult behaviors, culture breaks down. Teachers start thinking, why doesn't the principal (or educational leader) address this? The fact that they are not addressing it, but putting all their time into school-wide culture-building activities, illustrates low accountability.
For example, suppose a school's contract or policy requires staff on site from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM. Hours like these are set locally and are often shaped by a collective bargaining agreement, so treat the times here as an illustration rather than a standard. These conversations can look as simple as the teacher who comes to school after that start time. The educational leader may be afraid to have the conversation with the teacher, or they don't worry about the "small stuff." To further complicate this small issue, the leader may have already had a conversation with a teacher. The leader knows that the teacher works longer than the required contracted time, so avoiding the problem may be the leader's path of least resistance. Without the educational leader setting a boundary or expectation, an observer may find that teachers can show up at any time without repercussion or consequence.
There are many reasons for teachers to be there at whatever start time their contract sets. The education leader only gets 10-20 minutes before students come in order to talk face to face with them. A parent may come to school to talk with the teacher, and they find the teacher is not there. We advertise that teachers work from 8:00 AM - 4:00 PM, but we don't know where they are at the time when arriving with a parent in their classroom. School culture can also be affected when teachers who follow the rules see other teachers brazenly show up whenever they want and have no consequences. Instead, leaders must lean in!
Where hours like those apply, you can set the expectation school-wide at the beginning of the year with the following compassionate words,
"My expectation is that you are here from 8:00 AM - 4:00 PM. We do this because it is in our contractual obligations. We do this because we advertise to our community, especially parents. It is embarrassing when I walk down to your classroom with a parent and you are not here yet and I don't know where you are. In addition, I only get a short amount of time to meet with you before and after school. Now, I know how busy you are, and I know that life happens. The expectation is if you are going to be late, text me and let me know. I am not going to be mad or upset, I just want to know where you are so I can plan. In addition, if we need coverage for you, a text or phone call to me will suffice. Likewise, if I am late for a meeting with you, I will make sure I text or call you. By honoring your time, and you honoring my time, we will continue to build respect for each other. When this respect continues to build, a school culture based on trusting relationships continues to grow. If lateness does become a pattern, we will then problem solve and come up with a solution together."
Though this may seem trivial, without setting these boundaries, explaining the expectations, continuing to communicate, and working on high expectations, toxic positivity will destroy your efforts when you do the fun school-wide activities.
As educational leaders, there are only a few things we can actually give teachers: salary, resources, time, and compassion!
Frequently Asked Questions
What is toxic positivity in schools?
Toxic positivity in schools is the practice of responding to staff or student difficulty with mandatory optimism rather than acknowledgment. It shows up as spirit weeks layered on top of unaddressed workload problems, or as a phrase like "stay positive" used to end a conversation instead of starting one. The intent is usually kind. The effect is that people stop raising real problems.
How is toxic positivity different from just being optimistic?
Optimism adds something after the reality has been named. Toxic positivity substitutes for naming it. A leader who says "this term has been brutal and here is the one thing I'm changing" is being optimistic. A leader who says only "let's keep our chins up" has skipped the step that makes the encouragement mean anything.
Can celebrations and spirit days be toxic positivity?
Not by themselves. A 12 Days of Christmas countdown is a good thing in a building where people also feel free to say the holidays are hard. The same countdown becomes toxic when it is the only response available, or when it adds hours to a staff that is already stretched. Ask what the event is instead of, not just what it is.
What should a principal say instead of "stay positive"?
Ask a question you are willing to hear the answer to. "What's making this week harder than last week?" works because it invites a specific answer and commits you to listening. Then follow it with something concrete, even something small, like canceling a meeting or covering a duty period.
How does staff accountability relate to toxic positivity?
Directly. Staff may perceive culture-building efforts as performative when expectations are enforced inconsistently, such as when a leader runs culture events while a colleague who arrives late or skips instruction faces nothing. High expectations for adults are what help make a positive culture credible.
- Timing is what makes a phrase toxic - "stay positive" after a problem is heard encourages, and the same words used instead of hearing it shut the conversation down.
- Forced cheer can produce resentment rather than improve morale - staff who are not permitted to name a difficulty may express it indirectly.
- Sympathy, empathy, and compassion are a sequence - Souers and Hall's continuum ends in action, and compassion is the part where a leader actually changes something.
- Culture work depends on adult accountability - inconsistent accountability can undermine culture-building efforts.
- Set the expectation out loud, early - a stated boundary explained with reasons is what makes the later hard conversation possible instead of personal.
The habits in this piece are learned, not innate, and most of them turn up in coursework on school culture, supervision, and instructional leadership. The sponsored programs on this page include educational leadership and administration degrees built for teachers who are still carrying a full class load.
As a 5th grade teacher, in 2010 Jon won the Presidential Award for Elementary Math and Science Teaching (PAEMST). As a principal, his school won the 2012 Blue Ribbon Award. In 2018, he won the National Distinguished Principal Award (NDP). In 2019 he won the National No Kid Hungry Breakfast Hero Award.
Jon is the author of three guides published on teacher.org: An Educator's Guide to Combat Bullying & Bully Prevention; Teacher Evaluation: A Transition Guide to Exemplary Performance; and You are the Wild Card: Infusing Fun Back into Curriculum. He has authored a children's picture book that was released January 2019 titled Benjamin’s Visit to Principal Reads Office…again! (available at www.archwaypublishing.com)
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